Photo above of Dr. Ben Bailey with Pando

Connected to Thrive

by Ben Bailey, Ph.D.

January 11, 2021

In my office, which due to the pandemic I no longer spend any time in, there are two large posters of Aspen trees.  I keep these pictures there to remind myself and the clients that I am honored to work with that we as humans share a lot in common with aspen trees.  As you may know a grove of aspen trees is actually one organism and individual trees are actually a part of a larger whole.  In fact, the largest organism in all the world, name Pando, is a grove of aspen trees located right here in Utah, at Fish Lake National Forest.  The common root system keeps the aspens strong and allows them to thrive and recover from devastating trauma such as fire.    

I believe, like aspens, we too need relationships to thrive in our individual lives.  No, we are not physically connected to each other, but I believe that our emotional root system is largely interpersonal. One reason to believe this is that “dozens of studies have shown that people who have social support from family, friends, and their community are happier, have fewer health problems, and live longer.”ⁱ Practically speaking, what that means is that if we want to be healthy individuals a good place to start is by trying to create and nurture healthy relationships.    

One reason why being a freshman at a university can be so emotionally hard is that some will need to create a whole new social support system. Forming new supportive relationships is especially difficult during the pandemic when social activities have been so limited.  However, although it is difficult to form such supportive bonds there are still some excellent ways to build your social connections in physically distant and safe ways.   

1. Prioritize your social schedule.  

• Being a university student is busy and it is easy to neglect social activities.  However, if you don’t prioritize some social activities you may find yourself too depressed and anxious to do your homework.  Therefore, when you are planning your week it is important to schedule in some social time.   

2. Focus on live time interactions and conversations.  

• Texting, messaging and social media don’t replace our need for actual interaction. Words are only a small part of communication and a lot can get lost in translation.  Furthermore, on social media we are only seeing the most fulfilling parts of people’s lives which can lead us to falsely compare ourselves.  So, in addition to these methods try to schedule some time when you can have an actual conversation over the phone or a video conferencing platform.   

3. Have open, honest, and vulnerable conversations. 

• Being open, honest and vulnerable in a new social scene is hard.  Our desire to belong to groups is hardwired in us and so often we may hide parts of ourselves so that we can be accepted.  However, not having the opportunity to be authentic often leaves individuals feeling lonely and isolated even if they are having a lot of social interaction.   That means that it is so important to create relationships where you can have open, honest and vulnerable conversations.  

 

ⁱ The Health Benefits of Strong Relationships.  Published in Harvard Women's Health Watch on  August 6, 2019. Retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/the-health-benefits-of-strong-relationships