I never thought I would go to film school or make my own movie and have people wanting to see it. But you just have to believe in yourself, and you can do whatever you want.
My favorite thing about cinema is that it allows you to hear and relate to other people’s stories. Even if you’re escaping into a movie that’s really heavy, you still realize, “Oh, I’m not the only one feeling this way.”
I love that cinema can naturally bring out an emotion in you that you sometimes can’t bring out on your own. It allows you to feel those emotions that you’re neglecting to feel. When I escape into a movie, I’m not trying to run away from real life. It’s, “No, I should take a break from real life while still learning about my real life.”
The film “Ladybird,” directed by Greta Gerwig, is one of my favorites. It’s a heavy movie about a mother-daughter relationship. I escape into that movie because I relate to it. It’s fun to live through this character while also relating to her 100%.
I took a lot of cinema classes at my art high school in San Diego; I got to really develop my passion there. At first, I went to college for theatre because I thought I wanted to be in front of the camera. Then slowly, I realized there’s something about directing and writing and coming up with everything that I really, really loved. I changed my major a couple of times, and then I ended up at UVU in the film program.
I never thought I’d actually go to school for film. I thought it was too crazy. Studying film can be a little bizarre because it’s an art. Whenever anyone hears that you’re an art major, they’re like, “You know, it’s not the most financially secure way to go about things,” but it’s so important. That was something that my dad taught me. He said, “No, go to art school. Go and learn everything you can about this thing that you love because it will make you a better artist and person.”
I was very fortunate to make good connections with Alex Nibley, the head of the film program. I got to take a class with Alex for writing. In his classes, I did not know all the students, but I had to tell my story and be vulnerable, and Alex made it such a great safe place for me to do that. I’ve even cried in front of my peers and Alex in these classes because it was a safe environment. It was a very cool thing, and it gave me hope that being an artist doesn’t have to just be by yourself.
In the writing class, there was a homework assignment to write a personal script on something you’re passionate about. I decided to write about the beauty standard because I think it’s wrong, and I want to fix it. When I was writing the script, I had no idea it would ever turn into an actual production.
Alex read my script and said, “Hey, you should apply for the Board of Trustees Engaged Learning Award (BOTS) Grant because you have a really cool story that a lot of women and men should hear, and I think it’s really inspiring.”
I quickly applied for the BOTS Grant, but I didn’t think I would get it. When I submitted the application, I remember thinking, “Oh, whatever happens, happens. They will probably pick a scientist or something.” But when I got that email, I got the BOTS Grant. That final moment solidified for me that I was supposed to tell this story, I was supposed to make this, and I should keep going and just do it.
We just went into post, and now it’s done. Making a movie is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.
Making a personal movie that’s so vulnerable about being a woman of color, living in a very white-populated area, not feeling beautiful, and having to express that was so challenging, and I hated it. But it allowed me to reach out to other women who experienced the same things and realize that I’m not alone in this situation.
I made this movie for other people, but really it was for me. Sometimes as a woman, you don’t feel you’re important or have value if you don’t fit the impossible standard, and I needed to express that to people.
I’m proud of what my team and I made, and I can’t wait for the world to see it. I hope that it helps somebody, even if it just helps one person.
Believe in yourself. I know that it is so cliché, but it’s a cliché for a reason, and I think people don’t listen to it enough. It’s like, “Yeah, believe in yourself.” No, but really.
I never thought I would go to film school or make my own movie and have people wanting to see it. But you just have to believe in yourself, and you can do whatever you want.
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