Content Warning:  Abuse, suicide. 

At age 19, I married a man I loved. 

I was naive and thought everything would be wonderful. He didn’t believe in birth control, so I quickly became pregnant and dropped out of classes. I wanted the relationship to succeed so badly that I made excuses throughout our relationship. From there on, it was a five-year spiral of hostility, depression, and grief. I kept getting pregnant, and he kept making excuses for not working. I often had to work and support my family with whatever odd jobs I could find. Eventually I was so miserable that I believed the only way out would be to take my own life. In May of 2016 I made the attempt and ended up in the hospital. I met with therapists, psychiatrists, and family members. All of them told me the same thing: I needed to get out of the relationship.

After a failed attempt at marriage counseling, I left with two suitcases, two dollars to my name, and four young children who looked to me for total support. After six long years of abuse, the world was suddenly full of color. My life and future were wide open — full of possibility. I was finally free.

Along with my new colorful world came the weight of my sincere desire to heal and raise these children well. I needed to do more than just odd jobs. A full-time job was not an option, considering the day care expenses for four children under the age of 5. With only a high school diploma and no real work experience for the previous six years, a job with a sufficient salary was out of the question. I began to feel the despair sink back in.

I then spoke with my sister, and she told me about the Wee Care Center for children at Utah Valley University. We talked about the scholarships and grants that could help me afford it. I walked into that day care, filled with concerns, and nearly cried with relief as I saw the facilities. The day care here is beautiful. Every detail is thought out with love, fun, and care. The teachers are amazing and kind. They welcomed my kids and made them feel loved. I finally felt like we could make it.

Throughout my journey at UVU, my professors and mentors have been accepting and considerate of our situation. I was given extensions on papers when my ex became dangerous and he made it difficult to think, help with my kids when I had to bring them to class, and adjustments to assignment schedules when I had to miss two weeks of class because of childhood illnesses. 

UVU enabled me to be a mother so that I could also be a student.

I now have two and a half years left in my undergraduate degree in finance. I met and married a wonderful man. With UVU, I have the support I need to get my degree. I can finally breathe again, knowing that each day forward is filled with the same color and possibility.